Monday & Motherhood

It always happens on Monday morning. Always.

An hour before we leave for work, my toddler wakes up and gets incredibly clingy. He wraps his tiny arms around my neck and pleads, “Mommy, don’t go to work! Don’t go to work!” a hundred times. Little teardrops trickle down his cheeks and pierce my heart in all places.

As always, we try all things to calm a child’s clingy heart while we keep an eye on the unsympathetic clock. We cuddle for half an hour while I try to blow-dry my hair. We promise to play with him or bring him to the park when we come home later. We sing and dance to a song while I put on my shoes, my make-up. We try to distract him with food, with his favorite toys and books. R and I pass him on to one another in an effort to fill up his love tank before we head out.

Sometimes, one of those works; most times none. He only wants us, mostly me.

Tears fall. Hearts break. Minutes tick.

When it’s finally time to go and leave him with his minder, we say goodbye on the threshold of our door all the while trying to gently disengage his little arms fiercely glued around my neck or legs. At that moment, it always happens too—-I ask myself the same questions:

“Is it really worth it? Leaving my child for a nine-to-five job?”

“Isn’t motherhood supposed to be my calling?”

“Will there ever be a time when I can be a full-time mom?”

It’s yet another day of asking myself the same questions mentally giving myself the same answers in return.

___

On Monday mornings, when the struggle is real and hardest of all days for a working mom like me, this quote pulls at every string in my heart:

Children are not a distraction from more important work. They are the most important work.

~ CS LEWIS


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